Getting it Right!

I root for the restaurant community in Baltimore

I watch with great interest the burgeoning restaurant scene in Baltimore. Not nickel
and dime storefront openings, but lavish affairs that speak of big bucks. There is a lot of money in Baltimore and much is being spent building new restaurants and retooling old ones.

I root for the restaurant community in Baltimore. I do. They try so hard. Baltimore clearly envisions New York as the model restaurant scene it wants to emulate. They’ve got the pricing down. Most of the restaurants with pretensions to greatness in Baltimore are charging New York prices. What they haven’t quite mastered yet is the New York restaurant experience offering value. But they do try. And the natives do pay. The problem is they’re on the wrong path. No amount of effort or money can bring you success when you’re on the wrong path. It only takes you further from your goal.

Despite the Baltimore restaurant community’s Promethean efforts to become big time, it always falls short. There are two things that have to happen for Baltimore restaurants to justify the big time prices that they charge so cavalierly and be taken seriously by knowing professionals.

It’s not that you’re not going to have a good time in most Baltimore restaurants, but many of us want that last bit of a “perfect” experience or at least the basics of good service or food excellence that are so elusive to most operators and that justify the major league prices. Foremost, Baltimore needs a genuine restaurant reviewer. Someone who is well traveled and importantly, knows more than the chefs, with a CV that garners respect. As it stands now, restaurant reviews are love letters to restaurants. No negative comments ever, even if those are forwarded in the most good-intentioned manner. How can anyone learn when their deficiencies are never noted? Until that happens, the Baltimore restaurant scene will forever exist as an example of failed potential, with each restaurant waiting for their turn again in the queue, for the inevitable kisses to be blown their way for their part in perpetuating the mediocrity. It’s painful to watch.

I read one review where the reviewer wrote, with no sense of irony, that the dish could have been good, all it needed was a bit of Old Bay. So there it is, there are no pretensions to individual creativity, all we need strive for is to be like the thousands of Baltimoreans whose answer to everything culinary is more Old Bay. How did it ever get to this point? And how does an entire city become educated? It won’t be easy. Excellence is hard won and harder to maintain.

To underscore the naiveté of those running restaurants in Baltimore, our party of six once waited an hour to be seated at a popular breakfast place. When I approached the hostess, who had never bothered to commiserate with us on the long wait, that we really needed to be seated as we had waited for a very long time, she answered in the most languid manner, ”yeah, thats a long time, but the wait will be worth it”. So we left, but who thinks that people will wait over an hour for pancakes and love the experience? Obviously, restaurateurs in Baltimore.

I once ordered loin of venison in one of Baltimore’s most expensive and highly regarded restaurants. The venison was cooked beautifully and came with roasted chestnuts, a classic accompaniment for game. Cook chestnuts too long and they become, rather than creamy and tender, hard as rock. These were cooked to granite-like toughness. I called the floor manager over to apprise her so that no one would break a tooth. She said that she would tell the chef. She returned to tell me that the chef says that is exactly the way he wants them. So not only is the patronage unsophisticated, the restaurant staff knows it and feels free to behave any way they choose. There is a long road ahead.

So what are we waiting for? The worst that can happen is that we get better. take a generation or two, but we will have begun. Granted, it will In addition, Baltimoreans, whether diners or servers alike, must know what good service is. I don’t think they do. The “hi guys, my name is Sarah and I’ll be takin’ care of ya tonight” must be replaced with what professional servers in New York and all good restaurants everywhere offer, “Good evening, welcome to Tour D’Argent”, or Momma’s or Bubba’s or Joes.

That’s it! They don’t give their names ever because nobody cares. Good service is not about familiarity. It is about performing the job assigned you as unobtrusively as possible. It won’t matter if the diner knows your name or the name of your firstborn if you give them service that is wanting. The first venture into familiarity is kneeling at the diner’s side. For many, the physical closeness is not appreciated, and standing erect bent ever so slightly at the waist , the professional stance, evens the power ratio as the diner with the wallet is now on par with the one looking down, who holds the diner’s enjoyment of the evening in their hands. But how do you teach great service if few in the city know what it is? It’s never easy, butneveryone opening a restaurant in Baltimore must send their manager, their chef, their sommelier and key service staff to New York for 2,3 weeks to work in those restaurants knownnfor their exemplary service. Places like Babbo or any Danny Meyer place. And they themselves must eat in as many NewYork restaurants as possible and take notes. To be used over and over again in nightly service meetings.

Paradoxically, with a citizenry where discernment and savoir faire are lacking in many, these same people are well traveled, well educated and well heeled. It appears that the adage that travel is the great educator, seems not to have taken hold. In any event, with a restaurant reviewer knowledgeable enough to have chefs up their game, it will take knowing patrons with the confidence to not accept what is offered if it falls short. Likewise, these patrons must make it known when they feel a dish is overpriced, just to let them know that they know. As it is now, patrons will pay anything the restaurant asks so long as they “heard” that the place is ”classy”or current or patronized by the movers and shakers of the city. And no one has the confidence to be the first to say, “ this is not good”. The next time a server kneels by your chair, tell them to stand up. And when they tell you that the Bearnaise should be served cool, let them know that room temperature is not the same as cool. The cognoscenti will never be taken advantage of. Make it known that nothing short of excellence will be tolerated and the restaurant community will regulate itself. It will take time but for a city with more than a patina of sophistication, vis a vis Hopkins, the Walters, the Peabody etc. and an important history, all that is needed is to acquire confidence and swagger. Think New York without the indifference! There is one hitch, And that is Baltimoreans propensity to stay with something long after its been determined that its wrong or ill -advised. Consider Natty Boh, an awful beer. Why Baltimore refuses to give up anything that’s uniquely Baltimore regardless of quality or relevance, is anyone’s guess, but they hold on as if clinging to a life preserver in high seas. They consider themselves big fish and want to keep the pond small. Conversion won’t be easy.

Finally, Old Bay must be relegated to where it belongs, the spice cabinet, to be used once in a while for crab and shrimp boils and the occasional seafood dish. And the first restaurant reviewer who suggests that a dish would have been better with some Old Bay should be fired.